Larry Reimer, a minister of the United Church of Gainesville, has decided to read scripture from the Qur'an in worship service in response to a local Qur'an burning.

It’s good to know that I’m not the only one, then, who sees Gainesville, Florida’s Dove World Outreach Center’s plan to burn as many copies of the Qur’an as possible a stab in the heart to groups of religious followers that care about tolerance. Larry Reimer is a minister at the United Church of Gainesville, a deep advocate of civil rights, and the man responsible for what seems to be a very intelligent response to Dove’s outlash at Islam.

“If they can burn it, then we can read it,” said Reimer from an armchair across from mine in his office, lined with bookshelves and photos from many events canvassing the years. On a side table next to me, there’s a statue of the Buddha, along with various other spiritually-themed trinkets that seem to indicate that this office does not belong to a spiritually firm-handed man.

Reimer, along with other Gainesville religious leaders, will read scripture from the Qur’an as part of worship services on Sunday, September 12.

When asked about how he came about with the idea, “Almost right away, members of the congregation here asked me, ‘what are we going to do about this?’ Originally, I had the intention of giving [Dove Center] no more attention in the media. But as I thought about it, I asked myself what we could do that would be effective and proactive in promoting cooperation among our religious relatives.”

I prodded further about religious relatives. “Christianity, Judaism, and Islam are all part of the Abrahamic tree of faith. We all believe in the same God, and in many aspects we are all trying to accomplish the same goals. And in Islam, there are things that I think any follower of any other religion could learn from. Take prayer, for example. In Islam, one prays at least five times a day. The discipline to do that? Few of us have it. And like Christianity and Judaism, there is a strong call to love God and your neighbor.”

We chat on for a bit about the differences and similarities that each of the Abrahamic religions have when he says to me, “You know, we learn best from our rival siblings. We might not always agree with them, but they always point out our shortcomings. And in the end, we have the most in common with them. We pull from one another and make each whole.

“Look at FSU and UF, or Michigan and Ohio State. All students who grew up together, went to the same high schools, and in reality should be the most understanding of one another. Now that they’re on opposite sides of the stadium, they act like they have nothing in common. But they do, and if each member stopped for a minute and thought about it, they would realize they’re the same students, with the same dreams, looking and hoping to do the same things when they graduate.”

Then I ask him why he thinks these negative attitudes toward Islam exist. “The average American inherently assumes that Islam is violent and decidedly anti-American because we haven’t taken the time to experience Islam from an individual perspective or as a faith up close. A friend of mine was in Egypt when news of Dove Outreach’s Qur’an burning hit, and he told me that it was represented as mainstream Christianity, much in the same way that the violent acts we hear about here are represented as mainstream Islam. Here, Islam is still associated with terrorism. The acts of September 11th were not acts that were Islamic in nature. They were acts of fanatical extremists. And fanaticism is not confined to any one faith. I think that there’s no better time than September 12th to remind ourselves of this, and to read from Qur’an in worship to point out how much we really do have in common.”

Then I asked him the big one. If you could preach to the members of Dove Outreach Center for even five minutes, what would you say? “The danger to our faith comes not most from outside, but from the shadows within. We must pay attention to our neglect to look at ourselves, instead of automatically pointing the finger elsewhere. God’s call is for constant opening.”

Already, Larry has been interviewed for the New York Times. As of now, Fifteen religious leaders in Gainesville have agreed to share verses from the Qur’an on Sunday, September 12th. And he thinks that more will follow. “I’m not trying to make this a national or international event, but I feel that those who understand that allowing [the Qur'an burning] to pass silently by allows Dove Outreach to win in the fight against tolerance and religious compassion will stand up and share scripture from the Qur’an.”

Not a moment too soon. In the words of German poet Heinrich Heine written in 1820, now enshrined on a plaque at the site of Nazi Propoganda Minster Joseph Goebbels’ book burnings, “There, where they burn books, they will in the end burn people.”

Either in the usual conservative evangelical nature, or in a bout of guilt-filled justification, the church recently published on its blog a list of the top ten resons you should burn a Qur’an (Could you make my blogging life any easier?). Let’s examine this list for a moment.

1. The Koran teaches that Jesus Christ, the Crucified, Risen Son of God, King of Kings and Lord of Lords was NOT the Son of God, nor was he crucified (a well documented historical fact that ONLY Islam denies). This teaching removes the possibility of salvation and eternal life in heaven for all Islam’s believers. They face eternal damnation in hell if they do not repent.

This is, of course, based on the fact that you believe that Jesus was the son of God. So I guess that Jews, Buddhists, Pagans, Agnostics, and Christians that might not live up to your standards probably fit into this category as well. Nothing new. Fair enough.

2. The Koran does not have an eternal origin. It is not recorded in heaven. The Almighty God, Creator of the World, is NOT it’s source. It is not holy. It’s writings are human in origin, a concoction of old and new teachings. This has been stated and restated for centuries by scholars since Islam’s beginnings, both Moslem and non-Moslem.

I can only laugh at this one. Anyone who has done any kind of research in to the origins of the Bible knows that it was written by humans, for humans, and is the epitome of ‘old and new teachings.’ I mean really, the Bible’s two testaments were written in two different languages! If that alone doesn’t clearly say “humans wrote this, at different times, for different reasons, over many years,” I don’t know what does. I have nothing against the fact that the Bible was written at the hand of man, but it sure makes it hard to call the Qur’an un-holy because of the same fact. I see a bunch of steamed-up extremist kettles calling the pot black.

3. The Koran’s teaching includes Arabian idolatry, paganism, rites and rituals. These are demonic, an ongoing satanic stronghold under which Moslems and the world suffer.

That’s right. I’d forgotten. Islam’s rituals are satanic, but yours are squeaky clean. So drinking wine and eating bread in remembrance of your Lord and dunking your worshipers in water so they may be born again in Christ are perfectly fine and acceptable, but practices like praying seven times daily to God and fasting in order to learn about patience, humility, and spirituality are satanic. Thanks for clarifying that yours is the only way, I was sorely confused.

4. The earliest writings that are known to exist about the Prophet Mohammad were recorded 120 years after his death. All of the Islamic writings (the Koran and the Hadith, the biographies, the traditions and histories) are confused, contradictory and inconsistent. Maybe Mohammad never existed. We have no conclusive account about what he said or did. Yet Moslems follow the destructive teachings of Islam without question.

The earliest of the gospels describing the life of Jesus were written in 78 C.E. (or A.D. if you’re into that kind of thing), which was 55 years after Jesus died. This means that even a witness who was ten years younger than Jesus would have been nearly seventy by the time he began writing the gospel. And because the gospels were written in Greek and not Hebrew or Aramaic, it seems unlikely that the author of the earliest gospel was an eyewitness of the happenings during even the death of Jesus. And do we really want to get into contradictions in the Bible? Let’s try a few. Don’t kill, but stoning gay people is fair game. The Lord of peace be with you, but our God is one of war. The gospel of Mark says Jesus was tempted in the wilderness, while the gospel of John says he was not, among many other contradiction in the gospels. In fact, the only gospel that mentions the divine birth by God of Jesus is Luke. Are we done talking about inconsistent, contradictory writings about our prophets, now?

5. Mohammad’s life and message cannot be respected. The first Meccan period of his leadership seems to have been religiously motivated and a search for the truth. But in the second Medina period he was “corrupted by power and worldly ambitions.” (Ibn Warraq) These are characteristics that God hates. They also led to political assassinations and massacres which continue to be carried out on a regular basis by his followers today.

The Christian church has a long-standing history of corruption. It was the primary source of power in Europe for about a millennium, and folks, it didn’t get that way by playing nice with the nobles and serfs. Televangelists today rob people blind under the guise that money can be exchanged for salvation. I know of a pastor of a modern conservative evangelical superchurch who, despite his growing congregation’s need for a new space, built himself a new multi-million-dollar home instead using funds of his church. That’s not being corrupted by the power of worldly ambitions, is it? And who are you to tell me what can and cannot be respected? That’s right, you’re divine and I’m not.

6. Islamic Law is totalitarian in nature. There is no separation of church and state. It is irrational. It is supposedly immutable and cannot be changed. It must be accepted without criticism.

It seems ironic that a pastor of a conservative evangelical church would say this when historically, conservative Christians in America seem to want the wall between church and state as thin or non-existent as possible. I love it when people call upon something only when it’s convenient for the views they’re spinning.

7. Islam is not compatible with democracy and human rights. The notion of a moral individual capable of making decisions and taking responsibility for them does not exist in Islam. The attitude towards women in Islam as inferior possessions of men has led to countless cases of mistreatment and abuse for which Moslem men receive little or no punishment, and in many cases are encouraged to commit such acts, and are even praised for them. This is a direct fruit of the teachings of the Koran.

This depends wholly on the interpretation of the text in the Qur’an, in the same way that some Christians think that women are inferior to men because of Biblical scripture. In the case of countries where laws reflect the conservative interpretations of the Qur’an and women are indeed inferior by law, the Qur’an is used as justification, but in most parts of the world such rigid interpretations are not commonplace. True, the notion of a moral individual capable of making decisions and taking responsibility for them is inconceivable in such countries, but this is not per se Islam’s fault. Look at China.

8. A Muslim does not have the right to change his religion. Apostasy is punishable by death.

A Muslim living in certain countries does not have the right to denounce his religion. A Muslim living in the United States of America does. This is not an issue inherent of Islam, but of differing political systems.

9. Deep in the Islamic teaching and culture is the irrational fear and loathing of the West.

Deep in the conservative Christian teaching and culture is the irrational fear and loathing of the East (Let’s go burn us some Korans, eh?).

10. Islam is a weapon of Arab imperialism and Islamic colonialism. Wherever Islam has or gains political power, Christians, Jews and all non-Moslems receive persecution, discrimination, are forced to convert. There are massacres and churches, synagogues, temples and other places of worship are destroyed.

Any religion can be a weapon of any government or group of people who adhere to it. Historically, wherever Christianity has gained power, Jews, Muslims, Atheists, Pagans, and followers of other native religions have been persecuted, discriminated against, and forced to convert or face expulsion from their homelands and/or death. Again, the sooty, tarnished kettles need to turn off the burner and stop whistling at the pot.

Some of these photos, and some of the ones I wish I had been authorized to take, are the result of a large amount of very obnoxious bureaucratic media handling. BP might call it Public Relations. I’d call it Media Control, as there’s no relationship whatsoever, other than journalists eating up what BP says because there’s no alternative. BP is being far too totalitarian of what is photographed and released about this incident, and in the long run their lack of transparency is only going to damage their image more than it’s already hurt. In the mean time, and while I craft this piece based on some interviews that I was fortunate to get, enjoy the photos I was lucky enough to take.

There is more on the way. And I am angry, and I am ready to share.

A dead fish floats in froth created by oil sheen in Pensacola Bay, Florida.

An offshore platform near Fort Morgan, Alabama.

FSU student Bridgette Balderson holds a cup of petroleum tar found on the beach of Dauphin Island, Alabama. Tar balls reached the Alabama coast several weeks ago, prompting cleanup efforts by BP along the coastline.

Hay barriers on the shoreline near Fort Gaines, Alabama.

Bales of hay put into place by BP cleanup crews. The hay barriers will inhibit the spread of oil when it washes ashore in liquid form.

A national guard chopper flys out of a restricted beach area on Dauphin Island, Alabama.

BP cleanup crews construct large earthen berms on Dauphin Island, Alabama. As Dauphin Island acts as a natural partial barrier to the mouth of Mobile Bay, these will help to stop the flow of oil inland during high tide or hurricane season.

Crews managed by CleanHarbour, a company contracted by BP to man the skimming and monitor vessels, prepare to board boats searching for offshore oil slicks.

My escort for the duration of the photo opportunity I was granted inside the compound. While inside, I was allowed only to walk the length of the main concourse, once, and take photos. Additionally, "You are to speak to nobody. You may not ask questions, even of me. No questions will be answered."

Booms ready for deployment when oil is sighted near the shoreline of Dauphin Island. "We are getting 4000 feet of boom every other day," says a head BP cleanup executive to me during an interview.

A BP-contracted worker poses during my tour inside the cleanup compound.

Workers help each other put on protective shoe covers before tackling oil and tar balls on Dauphin Island beach. When asked how long they had been there, "We can't talk to you. We were told to tell you to contact our supervisor."

A tar ball found on Dauphin Island beach

BP cleanup crews remove oil and tar balls from Dauphin Island beach, Alabama.

A local kitesurfer enjoys one last run before the oil makes the beach unusable. Many local residents are taking advantage of the so-far little oil to take 'last swims' and enjoy the still-white sand.

Unnamed FSU students working for BP remove tar balls from Pensacola Beach, Florida. When asked their employer, "Sorry, we can't talk to you."

A bag of oil-drenched sand from Pensacola Beach, Florida.

A worker hauls a bag of oil to the disposal point at Navarre Beach, Florida.

Tar balls strewn on the shoreline at Navarre Beach, Florida. An oncoming storm forced crews to cut cleaning work until the rain and wind passed.

In the path of an oncoming thunderstorm, BP cleanup crews pack up operations into vans until the storm passes over.

The sign at Pensacola Beach, Florida, warning tourists not to take cleanup into their own hands.

I’m off…

Seems like a ploy to get us to shut up to me. The bottom line is that even if all three universities get flagship status, there are still eight instutions that will get the shaft end of this bill. I believe that universities such as New College and UCF deserve to have the resources needed to fufill their expectations as places of learning and academic development. 

What this bill seems like is an excuse to be able to cut funding from the entire system, with the illusion of increasing it for the universities that some politicians consider “the most important.” Maybe a bill that gives the name flagship to certain large research universities but also increases funding and promotes shared resources for all institutions is what we need.

But god forbid we spend more on education than we absoutely have to in order to give the illusion that students in our state are actually learning.

"You're welcome Gator Nation!"

So, for those of you that haven’t seen, I wrote an open letter to all of Florida’s senators asking them to oppose SB 2442, which would create a flagship university system in the state of Florida based on a completely biased set of guidelines.

Although the bias is essentially all in favor of the University of Florida (a giant thank-you to the lovely Senator Evelyn Lynn) I oppose it because it would steal both money and resources away from ten (10!) other universities in the state. How selfish. Did I mention that Ms. Lynn received a (false) anthrax letter in 2008? Just throwing it out there.

Well, I’ve gotten some responses. And holding true the the convoluted, pedantic style of politics in the US, they give me absolutely nothing of value.

Example. Kristen Carter, legislative aide to District 34 Senator Nan Rich, wrote me the following, verbatim:

Thank you for e-mailing Senator Rich to express your views about SB 2442,  which would establish standards for state universities to achieve “flagship” status.  I will pass your comments along to Senator Rich.   Please be assured that when this bill is taken up by the Senate, she will keep your views – as well as those of all her constituents – in mind before casting her vote.

Well Kristen, thanks so much for telling me that Senator Rich is doing her job. I couldn’t have made that assumption myself when I emailed her.

Come on.

Can you imagine if an upper-level manager was contacted by his employer or other figure of authority asking about the status of an important project he’s working on, and he responded by saying “I know the project you’re taking about. I’m doing my job.”? He’d have his head on a block! Now I know that we the people are a lot of little bosses to keep happy, but something more than a generic response from an aide would be appreciated. I spent hours upon hypothetical hours writing crafting this letter to you, and you can’t take a minute or two out of your time to write something back yourself. If I were writing Obama, I’d understand. But you’re the Florida District 34 senator. It’s two minutes.

I was more pleased with the response I got from Charlie Dean, who’s the District 3 senator. He wrote me (all on his own like a big boy):

Thank you for writing about SB 2442.  I have had the privilege to graduate from Florida State University while I have seen my son graduate from the University of Florida and I understand the importance of both of these universities, as well as the other nine universities in our State University System, to this state.  As such, I will certainly keep your concerns in mind regarding SB 2442 as we continue to work in this Legislative Session.

Although it’s not quite what I was looking for, it’s a couple of steps in the right direction. He convinced me that he has a foot in both figurative camps and that he’s got some understanding of the situation that’s going on. Not to mention that he knew how many public universities there are the state of Florida. He also wrote it himself! If I had to choose a senator who responded to take with me to a desert island, it’d be Charlie. Sorry Nan. You are the weakest link.

I got other, completely automated responses from Senators Steve Oelrich (good luck), Durell Peaden, Arthenia Joyner, Ted Deutch, Larcenia Bullard, Mike Haridopolos, Garrett Richter, Alfred Lawson, JD Alexander, John Thrasher, and Frederica Wilson, that essentially told me politely that I’d probably not be hearing from them.

And that’s it. I guess I’m expecting too much. But I’m sure anyone who’s experienced the annoyance of getting in touch with a Senator and making an impact knows the frustration.

Time for the phone calls.

“Wait, what the hell?”

Is this guy nuts? Why? To be honest, I’m not really quite sure. Maybe it was because he sold products that enriched and fulfilled the lives of the average American who can’t live without excess consumer goods. Maybe it was because he built a name and a career for himself on something that most people can’t stand [see: infomercial]. Hell, maybe it was that youthful, spritely beard. That beard holds secrets and wisdom, my friends.

No, I suspect that it’s because he was the most down to earth of all of them. And to me, he didn’t just define a genre of an art, he created a genre of art. That’s right, the art of the infomercial. As much as I can’t believe those words are coming out of my mouth (please forgive me, mom), a lot of creative vision goes into creating the screamo ads that sell you those hallowed things that you can’t live without. And no one mastered that creative vision like Billy Mays. Sorry Anthony Sullivan, but he’s got you.

So, here’s an OxyClean toast to Billy Mays: your obnoxious yet oddly compelling voice and personality will be sorely missed by all late night TV’ers everywhere.

Now where’s that bottle of Kaboom…

That’s pretty sick.

Here’s their website so you can read what they have to say about it, and a sound clip of Yahtzee performing “Missing the War” by Ben Folds.